Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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