yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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