I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
