STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
