Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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