It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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