Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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