he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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