Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
