you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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