I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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