i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My dick has a subreddit
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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