wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize