wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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