We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He passed out mid-signature
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
