Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
