You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
