I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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