Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
