I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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