Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
