Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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