I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize