dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
