I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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