Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
