guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
