i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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