i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
