I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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