The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
