Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
