Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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