hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize