After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
