I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
