So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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