I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
