I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
