Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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