Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
