Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
