You're my little dorito
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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