Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
