He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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