It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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