He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
