it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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