my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
