Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
