No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
