Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize