I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
