i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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