honey bunches of taint.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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