i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
