Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize