Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
