I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
