I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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