don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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