I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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