I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
