Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
