I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
