the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
