I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize