Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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