Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
