Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
