what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
