nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pants are for mortals
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
