god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just blew my weed a kiss
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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