I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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