I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My penis needs a shock collar
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
