I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
