Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
