I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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