no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
