So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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