I only kidnapped one of them. chill
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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