I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
