Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
