oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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